This Dreaded Day

As we all know, Valentine’s day has become the holiday of love. Though I’m sure most are sick of hearing people rant about it; this is not so much a rant, as just my personal feelings and experiences with this day.
From what I’ve seen, it is in fact a very beautiful holiday in it’s own right. Giving people the chance to show their love for their significant other; or even confess their love for a crush. A day dedicated solely to the love for one another.
Sometimes I enjoy watching couples; my friends, my family, and even strangers get gifts and go out to dinner. Enjoy their time with each other. I’m always glad to see other people happy and enjoying life and everything that love has to offer. However on the flipside, I find myself incredibly lonely on days like this.
It just reminds me of how many failed relationships I’ve had, how many Valentine’s Days I’ve spent alone; all while everyone is having a grand time. No one asks to be my Valentine, no one takes me out. I usually sit at home and eat ice cream while every couple I’m surrounded by has something better to do with each other. You could call it envy, I am honest enough as a person to say that. Yes, I am quite envious of other people’s relationships, seeing as how I have never truly had my own.
To be honest, one does get tired of constantly being the third wheel to almost every relationship situation I’m involved in. Yet at night never having anything to hold but my own pillow. It grows tiresome, when I’ve put so much effort into finding someone, into dating, into just trying to put myself out there; just to still be by myself.
It’s hard to believe in a day about love when you’re always the one alone. And I know, “you don’t need someone just cause it’s Valentine’s day.” I am very aware of that. It’s not about needing someone; it’s about wanting someone for myself. Instead of being caught up in bullcrap, or helping other people with their relationship issues. I want my own relationship issues to solve, my own hand to hold, my own person to cuddle up to a cold night. Someone to watch movies with, and someone who laughs at all my stupid jokes; who cares enough to help me out when my body hurts or rub my feet every once in awhile. Most of all I just want someone who is there for me and not there for sex, because I am so tired of that game.
I want to experience the beauty of Valentine’s Day the way other people do. With someone who wants to be with me and only me. I know it’s a lot to ask for, and I rarely ask for anything in life. I just know that I’m tired of spending most of my time alone, while everyone I know has someone to be with when the day is over.
So all in all, I don’t hate Valentine’s Day, I never actually have. It’s just hard to accept it for what it is when you have no one to truly share it with.

“I love romance. I’m a sucker for it. I love it so much. It’s pathetic.”- Drew Barrymore